However, the benefits of this job, coupled with the generous amount of time off, and the demanding nature of my personal life (two kids, one with special needs, husband and I are renovating the house we live in), makes me think twice about job searching. If you were *happy* at your job, would you be willing to work past 55 (and would this improve the multiplier on your pension payout)? that I now have both money to fund AND time to do. I have never thought about it before but I also feel invisible. There are toxic organizations out there that dont offer good pay & benefits either maybe in the grand scheme of things yours isnt so bad! where I was ready to pop open a beer, drop an F-bomb and slide outta there via the emergency exit slide. It was a tough decision because I am the sole breadwinner of the family, but I didnt have to compromise on what was really important to me (spending time with my family), and were just tightening our belts until I can reap the salary and growth potential. Its hard to engage with the people around you, and you dont enjoy the last day of your weekend as you anticipate Monday morning. Good luck with your situation. Do you want them to grow up to sacrifice their professional achievements and work in your conditions? 3. I do try to not do that too much. And if youre not sure you want to work there forever, you might be more comfortable taking some risks in pushing your weight around. You fantasize about retirementwhich might be decades away. You do have to be really careful with this. Also, if possible, talk with a financial expert to see what can be done, if you do get another job, to see if early retirement is/could be an option for you. More blog posts from Seth J. Gillihan, PhD, The Relentless Pursuit of Perfection and Its Ramifications, Resilience: Why It's More Important Now Than Ever. The constant reorgs and leadership changes + not a lot to do makes me worry about stability too. (Its also possible but Im REALLY grasping for straws here that you were involuntarily transitioned out of a management-track position. My only worry is the damage inflicted on you emotionally. Youll meet new people, and possibly open yourself up to a transfer, if one becomes available. Both of our jobs, while not ideal, are good jobs for us, because it lets us have money and time to do the things that DO make us happy. Early in your career, it can be challenging. The only reason I did not was because I knew I COULD. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. Instead youre always uneasy, on edge, or just emotionally weary. If a food is good for me, it is my favorite food. Do you have tons of vacation time but your workload is ridiculous so you cant take it? So this isnt a temporary situation and it seems unlikely that things will improve. 5. I wouldnt underestimate this portion of the calculation. > You may be able to leave the state job right now without being retired, go work somewhere else, then work for the state again. Its a paycheck and health insurance and when I walk out the door at the end of the day I immediately forget everything about work until Im back the next morning. OP could also find something a notch down benefits-wise that will buoy OP instead of draining them. It would be different if it were 3 years instead of 13. No kidding. But if the environment is really that unstable, Id be job-hunting anyway just to see whats out there (something else I should have done!). Select the career path that aligns with you: Marketing Sales Data 2. You do commit 40+ hours a week for your job thats a lot of time. It was often tedious and had many annoyances, especially when I was working for a very toxic boss. Perhaps finding a non-profit in your area to volunteer at could help reestablish that job satisfaction? You and your partner might also want to take a hard look at your financial situation. The OP has 13 years before s/he can start drawing the annuity, and its unlikely that by the time it has to be paid out that the money will be there. 6. I ended up going back to school at 40 to pursue a career that Im passionate about and offers many more diverse opportunities. Would you be able to take another management-type position within your company? Share your experiences with friends, family, and mentors who can offer valuable advice, encouragement, and emotional support as you prepare to leave your toxic job. For more information, please see our WebMD Expert Blog 2020 WebMD, LLC. Also are there other positions with Large Employer? If you stay, I would take AAMs advice and reframe the situation. A thought that might be way off-base but Ill throw it out there: I dont know how old your kids are but I remember my mom sharing with me (I was perhaps around 13 years of age) about how she was approaching the decision about whether to take a new job or keep her current one. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. But are there ways you can pick up some additional skills, preferably on your employers dime? (I speak from many years experience in higher education, where financial exigency was just a phrase until it wasnt.). That might help. True. The it could be worse advice isnt always the best advice though. But theres also part of me left wondering why they never bothered to look around and see that standards were drastically different in my childhood. Its okay to think of the future and how your needs might change once you arent driving kids any longer. Have you spent enough time on it that this question is truly settled in your mind? Almost 2 years ago I left a job with a NFP company where Id been for over 20 years (in a succession of jobs from entry-level up to exec committee). Do I stay at my current job because it works well for my family, has great pay and benefits, and I can potentially retire young or is it time for me to look for a new job? I realize this is not your specific issue, but what Im saying things change. If someone would hire me at my age to do what I do (and I love what I do, when theres work!) No matter how agreeable your co-workers are or how positive the work environment may be, it wont be healthy for you if the fit isnt right. Under a perceived threat, your brains flood your system with adrenaline and other stress hormones. Staying doesnt mean staying forever, and leaving doesnt necessarily mean choosing something worse than what you have. I was in a similar situation to OP great salary and benefits, a lot of flexibility which was great when I had babies/small kids. Yup, you were me a couple years ago. I did this in my last job with the golden handcuffs. But that saidAlison might have a real point that OPs choice might not be between soul crushing job but cushy everything else and job I like but destroying my familys financial and emotional stability. In your case, it sounds like the benefits, flexible time, solid pension, and early retirement matter more than a more stimulating environment. Having that end date in sight will make it more tolerable. an acquaintance I recommended proselytized to all my clients (with singing), employee lied about his mom dying, coworker is a magpie, and more, my new employee is the parent of my childs bully, how to ask for a raise (because you need to), our remote employees were excluded from our company appreciation day, people keep asking why I wear pantyhose, career coach wants me to use someone elses job title, and more, the faked heart attack, the very smart dog, and other (amazing) stories of pettiness at work. AC, I want to repeat the same thing I told the OP: Dont count on that retirement benefit. Even updating your resume can make you feel less *stuck*. June 12, 2023. Yeah, honestly, just examining the other options (even if only in your head) and actually choosing to stay helped me a lot when my job was feeling frustrating or stressful or confining. Now that my kids are old enough to be relatively independent (and not doing travel soccer or any of that cr@p) I am able to devote the time to school. You don't want to burn bridges, especially if you'll . An international poll by Monster found that 42% of U.S. workers have left a job due to a toxic work culture. Forget the weekendyou dream about a permanent break from work. Our new management is great, and has brought a new energy to things. +1000000 to looking into whether you can work from home. Yes; this helped me when I switched from an exciting and extremely high paying job with no free time to a still-very-good paying job that is somewhat-less-exciting with organizational annoyances but good work/life balance. I think one of our current receptionists just always has a tab open with CNN and switches to that. What to Do If You Realize Your New Job Is Toxic | The Muse As others have mentioned, go ahead and develop your skills. destroying self-confidence sucking the life hate my job I am all for reframing where appropriate and applicable, but lots of jobs are NOT described this way. and other questions, https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/job-crafting/, I wrote a Glassdoor review and the employer is losing their minds, updates: we had to share our shadow sides and be more vulnerable at a meeting, and more, lets discuss terrible workplace ice-breakers, how do I stop looking bored during meetings, should I say Im leaving because of my horrible coworker, and more, my bosss boss forced us to do a grievance circle targeting our manager. The annuity you think is locked in when you retire at fifty-five IS NOT CERTAIN. I used my downtime on Lynda.com (through the employer) to pick up Excel and Access skills, which benefited both my current employer and my own toolbox. Choice is a luxury that a lot of people dont have, but the mere fact of having a family doesnt automatically rule it out. I was sick. And if youre a person who thrives on making difference (or at least feeling like your job makes an impact), that is going to take a huge toll on your mental well-being. In general, I feel guilty and have trouble getting up and ready for work in the mornings. Talk about bait & switch on what the the job was described as!). Take it on as a challenge are there new skills you could learn/practice at work? Very good points. Some days you wake up and the idea of going to work just seems impossible. State retirement benefits? I constantly ask for more work and volunteer for things to show I want to be doing more. Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures. Here's how you can, too. But Emily Morse, a sex educator, believes one roadblock tends to loom larger than the others. My most toxic job started at a dirty desk with drawers that still held the previous occupant's unused disposable razors, random bits of foreign currency, and a few candy wrappers. My mantra was to do a good job for me and to try to rise above the dysfunction. I'll never forget the beautiful baby I saw in my first few years as a pediatrician in Pennsylvania. On paper, it seems youre doing the right thing, but why does it make you feel so bad? Whether it's bad bosses, workplace bullies, long hours, or feeling undervalued, recognizing that your job is damaging to your mental health and overall happiness is the first step to getting out. I am curious about the writing books & blog posts on a job Did your employer not care? Also as they age it will be easier to help them stay in their homes longer as we will be close by to assist them. In other words, the gap between what you get if you stay and what you get it if you leave is probably smaller than you might be fearing. This LW sounds like shes at the end of her rope and doesnt have another 13 years of this job left in her. That seems a little extreme. I have some of the same situation as the OP, but with the distinctions switched around a bit. In other words, the gap between what you get if you stay and what you get it if you leave is probably smaller than you might be fearing. unemployed and underemployed and always thought Id never turn down amazing pay and benefits because I was treated poorly. OTOH, Ive also left good jobs that were quite survivable bc they were ultimately bringing me down and making me miserable. is "we have a great culture" an attempt to disguise low pay and weak benefits? If thats the case, I think you should look at leaving. If you're really unhappy at work, look for the following signs that your job is toxic for your mental health. Id take advantage of that. She talked about creating a lists of pros and cons, and then what it was like doing the new job, and, then, in the end, why she ultimately decided to leave the new job and return to her old one. I had a horrible amount of downtime at my current job and used it to do online coursework towards my Masters Degree. When they closed the local office I was offered a chance to transfer, but instead I took a buy-out and went home because my children were young, and I would have had a round trip 4 hour commute (2 hours each way) or I would have had to find an apartment and stay and come home on my days off. In many cases it's your co-workers - not doing their job, causing your work to be harder, rumor-mongering, loud, obnoxious, foul-smelling, talk too much or lies to management All you can do is get out of the jobs that suck. If some of these symptoms resonate with you, think carefully about your future in this position. That could have been sheer luck, but just in case, Ill wait until the trip is over.). OP, I make the same calculation on a weekly basis. For me, my outside-work life provides me with tremendous personal satisfaction and meaning, and my job enables me to do that without annoying me too much. Yes! If your employer provides or reimburses training, do that. Im just kind of disengaged for 8-9 hours a day. Some people can stick with the job just for the benefits alone and are perfectly happy to only do what is put in front of them. What was on my computer screen could be seen by everyone who walked by, guests included, so it was fine to look at Facebook/personal email/shop on Amazon/whatever, but I wouldnt leave it open if I was looking away from my computer for longer than five seconds (answering the phone, greeting guests, helping someone out, etc.). This resonates with me a lot. @ bdehaaff Getty. I was previously in a management position and was hired in my current job as an administrator. A good portion of the time, I wanted out. Mine is constantly telling me how much healthier and happier I seem after leaving the job, and how worried they were about me. SO is in a similar situation, but far closer to retirement and protected by a union, no chance of a layoff. My job doesnt have great pay, but it has great benefits, great flexibility, and colleagues I love. I dont feel like Im putting on some kind of faade. And his energy level and mood lifted considerably once he didnt have to cater to a narcissists mercurial whims anymore. I can endure any horrible thing forever. It is easily the best state retirement system in the country so I dont want to lose that opportunity, in addition to the good health insurance and generous time off. You might even start planning your retirement, or thinking about ways to get rich so you no longer have to work. It doesnt and it shouldnt. I had saved up the OS Account so that I could have the dramatic exit. Are you *sure* you couldnt get a more rewarding job elsewhere with comparable perks? especially if my workload was so meh. The longer I stay in this job with less responsibilities the older my experience gets which is worrisome. By Tuesday youre exhausted, and cant imagine how youll make it till Friday. Im particularly interested because the retirement benefit you describe is similar to the one I am promised, so Ive done some research on this. This is basically the boat Im in now. The big question is, what are the chances of finding a job that you do find fulfilling, with your qualifications? So if you are loving your life outside of work and can focus on the end goal, Id see if re-framing your mindset helps.