my husband is 40 and can t get hardmy husband is 40 and can t get hard

Gay By Choice or Is Being Gay Genetic? Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. plus Whiskey on top of that too! To believe that a 60 year old woman who ostensibly has never worked or had a career can make it on her own is pretty niave. i read a whole book about food history in america, and the changing roles of a housewife was obviously a big impact to the way we ate at home. My default method is to just throw some solvent at it. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. No vacation goes unpunished. 14 Ways to Get a Harder Erection: Tips and Suggestions - Medical News Today For a sex therapist, check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) web site and click on the "Locate a Professional" link. Being a housewife doesnt mean youre incapable. Middle-Age Erection Changes: What Couples Need to Know We are arent rich, but Id rather live in a tent then be miserable at this point in life. You can get a divorce if you are so unhappy because this can effect your health stress in it self will make a sick person out of you or kill you! And yet there IS a lot of negativity in this letter. What can we do at this point? He thought it be nice to change our positions and make it more fun. I was a little surprised not to see that here. While they're harder to identify and treat, the three most common are anxiety . Your gums are swollen, tender, or bleed easily. XI: What Constitutes a Date?, Afternoon Quickie: He Says He Doesnt Want Anything Serious, Should I Ask Out My Hot Massage Therapist?, My Family Says Theyll Disown and Shun Me If I Divorce My Husband, DW Community Catch-up Thread (Formerly Anyone going on awesome dates?). You had your childhood and then your had your many years raising a family (both your children and then your granddaughter) and now its time for your third act. In many cases, it is the wife, who after suspecting that something is wrong, must confront the gay husband with the evidence, and only then can honestly be achieved. Often, couples counseling and/or sex therapy (as a couple or individual) can identify factors related to ED, help with communication, and improve sex for both partners. If you can live in a marriage where you are sure that your husband might be gay, some personal. Cookie Notice Retrieved If you notice that your husband struggles with getting interested in or engaging in sex in addition to some of the other signs discussed here, it may be possible that your suspicion is correct. . Sounds like you just need an escape from each other to me. If the husband is honest with both you and with himself (read: How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. This site complies with the HONcode standard for He tells you about sexual abuse in his childhood/adolescence. Once your doubt is realized, you need to plan your next course of action carefully since these are sensitive matters that need to be handled with care. I was just being realistic that its likely she will have a tough financial future if she strikes out on her own. Thats exactly what I wanted to say, but I didnt know how to say it. If you do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping. What a shame. Between age 40 and 50, most men notice that their erections aren't what they used to be. its ours! Is Your Husband Gay? 6 Signs That Could Be A Cause for Concern That didnt end nice he told me the hell with you well and he decided he didnt want any thing to do with me. I lived with the negativity for 20 years before I stopped trying. He spends excessive time texting people at irregular hours. it makes men grumpy! The husband could be seen as the injured party in this scenario. If you can afford it, I think your husband living in his own small apartment, while you stay in your family home with your granddaughter, could give you both the physical and psychological space to figure out what you want. How would you like it when I cant drink at all because Epeilpsy and my husband works then comes home and keeps drinking a 12 pack at night Researchers believe that for many men erectile dysfunction is caused by a combination of physical, psychological, and cultural factors. Saying I cant stand you anymore, so go live somewhere else while I stay in this house you paid for and, no, Im not minimizing the important role of a housewife, but he DID technically pay the money for it is unfair, in my opinion. You find pop-ups of gay pornography on the computer while he claims they are not his. Empowering Women: Key Rights of a Woman in a Live-in Relationship, 21 Questions to Ask Yourself When Doubting a Relationship, 200+ Playful Truth or Dare Questions for Couples, Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 15 Signs You Have an Unexplainable Connection With Someone, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, How to Handle Psychological Effects of False Accusations in a Relationship, Twin Flame Telepathy: The Symptoms, Techniques and More, 15 Ways on How to Build Trust in a Relationship, 15 Best Ways to Emotionally Detach From a Narcissist. Signs You Are Gay), that is when you can truly know that he is gay. and our You already have the tools for taking care of yourself. Or maybe just the idea of retirement has been so scary or nerve-wracking that, once its over, he will begin to calm down. His sexual performance is more mechanical than passionate with a lack of satisfying foreplay. My grandpa was a difficult man to deal with at times, and my grandma stuck by him through it all until his death. Way to compromise and empathetic to the other 50% of the marriage. He visits gay bars frequently even though he will claim that hes just there to socialize with his gay friends. He makes eye contact with another man that seems to linger a little too long. He erases the computer history on a regular basis. Good luck. In 2019, it was 23.6 percent almost a quarter. You can follow me on Facebook here and Twitter here. Will your husband leave and pay some sort of short term support? Kaye advises that women "follow their instincts" when deciding whether their husband may be gay. Tell him so. I just dont get where youre coming up with the opinion that its *likely* that she will have a tough financial future. So, imagining it as real seriously, this husband of yours has provided 100% financial support for you for 40 years (details are missing here in the letter), and you are still complaining? However, you are miserable in the situation youre in. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. A husband may be gay and display none of those signs or a husband may display these signs and not be gay. I will soon be financially able . His phone or computer browsing history is always clean.. If your guy can't get it up or loses it in the midst of things, he will likely start freaking out, worried about what you are thinking about him. I urge you to think this through, LW, and discuss it with your husband. it was super interesting! Im not educated, but Im not worried. Bwahahahaha, just kidding! how people advocate getting married as such a highly desirable thing in this country but have no idea what it entails. on the computer he uses, even though he claims he has nothing to do with it. His ego appears to be boosted by compliments from gay men. If her husband is in a position to retire at all its likely that they have a house, its paid off, they have retirement savings, etc. It can be difficult and frustrating for men and their partners to cope with erectile dysfunction, especially when the cause is unclear. I wouldnt be surprised that hes pissed off about retiring and that could take a while to work itself out. Signs of a Gay Husband, HealthyPlace. How to deal with erectile dysfunction in a marriage - Medical News Today Of course, we all tried to convince her during the dark times that she needed to leave. You mentioned that your husband's penis gets hard but that he cannot maintain enough of an erection for intercourse. The last point is one of the glaring signs that your husband is gay. If it turns out that a husband is, in fact, gay, the fallout can be difficult to deal with, particularly for the straight partner. I can't get my husband hard : r/hivaids - Reddit You want him to stop being so damned negative. Develop a game planeither to stay or to go, and weigh all of your options. How do you know this? When Your Partner Can't Get It Up | Psychology Today Thanks for hearing me out and i will get out this Crappy marriage too!!!Lisa. But often, when people experience a big life change and retirement is certainly among the biggest their temperaments change too. Hes selfish and self centered. im with sampson below- the LW and her husband both have to abide by divorce laws. The only way to facilitate change is to actually communicate what you want in life. Thats not fair to you right now. (Im not trying to generalize about everyone, but I do believe marriage has undergone some changes over the years.). i know, i know, its not all about sex and shes not responsible for his happiness and blah blah blah, but im telling you women have control over the tone of the marriage and thats how men connect with their woman. 2023 HealthyPlace Inc. All Rights Reserved. But I would try this before moving out without assets or any job prospect. The wife has not been inadequate in any way and likely the gay husband married her because he truly cared about her. Can you stay with one of your daughters temporarily? multiple sclerosis (MS) liver or kidney disease. Each may internalize the situation, fearing that s/he is the one to blame. think as a woman, if you only got to eat salad for 20 some years how grumpy would that make you? This is amazing! Whatever you are comfortable with. Some gay men believe that being married can rid them of their homosexuality. alcoholism. katie, what you dont mention is whether that woman actually DID learn to clean better. Gums that are swollen, painful, or bleed when you brush or floss are likely signs of gum disease. I remember being afraid to leave my first husband because I thought I needed him to survive financially. I understand her being married 40 years myself. Cmon! If you find yourself in that situation, you will have to decide what you would like to do. To afraid to be alone, youre a mirror image of myself, 41 years, kids grown , no love, my hubby had big anger issues 11 years ago found out he had sugar type 1, after getting him on meds he was nicer. The wife may experience:2, And the wife may wonder if anything was real about the partner she thought she knew so well. OP, if afraid to live on my own in any way involves fear of supporting yourself, or of financial devastation, please see an attorney. This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions. This letter seems fake to me, mainly because I havent heard the word housewife used seriously in decades, but perhaps thats a regional thing. You mentioned that your husband's penis gets hard but that he cannot maintain enough of an erection for intercourse. Stop using y seriously!our grown daughters as an excuse. Sometimes a woman may have been in a heterosexual relationship for years and yet feel something is somehow "off;" and she may find herself asking, "Is my husband gay?" Meaning, History, Signs and Types, How to Emotionally Connect With a Man: 10 Ways, According to Zodiac Signs: the 3 Best Women to Marry, The Role of Romance in a Relationship and its Importance, How Important Is Intimacy in a Relationship, 10 Reasons Why Theres No Romance in Your Relationship, 11 Signs You Are Leading Someone On Unintentionally. Courts are unlikely to deviate from that. For others, psychological concerns, including stress, anxiety, self-esteem, or fatigue are the source. For more information, check out the related Q&As. A bit sexist no? He increasingly got more cranky and thinner, and none of us could explain why, and anytime we suggested a doctor, hed get pissed. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. He tries to convince you that all relationships have a decline in sex even when you've only been together for a few years. Is My Husband Gay? here. volunteer, find a part-time job, join some clubs, take some classes, go to church, etc.). in their lives too. But if youre miserable, and hes miserable (he certainly sounds miserable), then whats the point of continuing? Anyone else bothered by the part of the advice that discusses the husband living in his own small apartment? If she has discussed it with him and hes showed no interest in changing his behaviour, then Id vote for getting a therapist and a lawyer, in that order, to help her through the transition. He has been to many doctors, including a urologist, neurologist, orthopedist, you name it. However, I have to be very careful financially. High blood pressure, heart disease, multiple sclerosis, kidney disease, and . Have you discussed all the things you like that don't require an erection? Language links are at the top of the page across from the title. New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. But it is possible for him to change, especially now that hes retiring. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. What non-intercourse intimacies do you enjoy? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Signs Your Husband or Man May Be Gay. theyre not getting their needs met, and yes it IS the job of the wife to meet the needs of her husband and vice versa. You can also pleasure by caressing, touching, and stroking one another, having oral sex, or incorporating sex toys into your sex play. This first step would be to identify why hes such a pain and see if something can be done about it. These are signs your spouse is gay and there is no room for further doubts. !And all i get is getting abused buy him and so moral support at all!I cook clean and do a lot for him i am giving up because dont need to need to be yelled at all!! Your husband needs to know this. If your husband does admit that he is gay, its important to remember that he didnt choose this life to hurt you. Ive got 30 years in vested in marriage and Im leaving this Sunday for a long time Not sure Im returning. might help you work through this so that you can find the right way forward for you. But often, when people experience a big life change and retirement is certainly among the . A health care provider may want to know, does your husband have firmer erections: The answers to these questions, as well as physiological tests like an ultrasound or neurological assessment,can help determinethe root cause of ED. List of Indian films of 2023 - Wikipedia With two deadbeat daughters (well, okay, one at least) and a grand daughter that they had to raise as their own, it seems rather doubtful to me that money is in any great abundance. Believe me he is getting sex from somewhere some men want sex with no strings attached. Example: my grandpa hid his own emphysema and cancer diagnoses from the family because he didnt want anyone to know, and he figured he wouldnt be around much longer and didnt want to waste the money on himself to try to make things better. Kaye's checklist includes: 1. iwannatalktosampson Enjoy life with your friends, grandchildren and whatever your interested in. It is entirely possible that he might deny that hes gay from the offset, without giving you any satisfactory answers to your questions. you would be heartbroken. He starts to spend more time at the gym and works on changing his appearance. its hilarious how when everyone is happy the attitude is all whats mine is yours! By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. domestic science used to be a real thing! my dad was like that. And if its loneliness you are worried about, you have your granddaughter still at home and you can find ways to keep busy and find companionship (e.g. we are so happy and in love and we share everything legally now yayyy! all of a sudden its a very important fact that *he* paid for the house. This is one of my favorite responses youve ever done Wendy. If theyre smart, capable women, the only thing they dont understand is why you didnt leave years ago. The clearest way to know if your husband is gay is if he tells you. Since you say that you dont want to leave, how about if you get out and do some work for pay for awhile, just part-time. Site last updated July 1, 2023, How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Privacy Policy. It is helpful to recommend she speak to an attorney. Obviously, you cannot change your husband, which Im sure you know after more than 40 years together. But if shes never worked, financial independence might be tough for her. iwannatalktosampson 9 Signs and Symptoms of Erectile Dysfunction - Men's Health Does A Friends With Benefits Relationship Actually Work? LW, I sincerely hope you get some lengthy alone-time so you can escape from the negativity and realize that you can absolutely make it on your own. No fault divorce means no fault. Enjoying each other's company might give you both the emotional support and physical intimacy you needto help maintain a spark and eventually get the fire going again. But it is very unhelpful to point out that her husband is the injured party. Do not nag him. I sure was. there were a lot of people (men and women) who really tried to raise up the role of a housewife into a very valued, and even sometimes paid, role in society. I feel for this LW. Youre too young to be resigned to a life and partnership that leaves you so unhappy. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. I certainly dont know how to clean any better. If you leave him, would it be best financially if he continues to work instead of retiring? You couldnt pay me enough money in the world to be miserable. But if you're wondering, "Is my man gay," it might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, according to Kaye. I wish there were some examples in your letter. Read less. Reasons Your Partner Has Trouble Staying Hard & How to Help As a Gay Man, I'll Never Be Normal - The New York Times Then youll get your time away from this monster and he can enjoy a little bit of relaxation and private time in your joint home. That makes a big difference because if she could stand him for the first 30 and got a problem with the last 10 my hunch is that its probably more salvageable than if she regretted it from day one. He claims that he feels "trapped" in the marriage and won't explain why. A majority of the country thinks that at least 20 percent of Americans at least one in five of us are gay or lesbian. Maybe his career has been especially stressful and draining. Its time to move on and forward, whether thats on your own or with your husband in a relationship that is different than what youve had. Do you have suspicions that make you question Is my husband gay? Maybe you have a mild alarm bell that rings occasionally or noticed a few signs in his behavior that gave you reasons to worry and question his sexual orientation. My husband retired and the only thing he enjoys is TV, and complaining about political stuff, and that is literally it! He admits to having a homosexual encounter in the past. as a woman how would you feel if your husband said, i dont want to have a meaningful conversation with you anymore, i just want to keep it light and talk about the weather like i do with every one else. There is a decline of sexual activity early in your marriage that never picks up again. Making this decision, at any age, can be frightening! is not an emergency or instant response service. If you are in an urgent situation, pleasevisit our Emergency page to view a list of 24 hour support services and hotlines. trustworthy health information: verify Im tried of trying. He visits gay bars claiming he's there only to hang out with his gay friend(s). Obviously Im not a legal expert. I did meet a wonderful man online , though complicated I will leave my spouse for the other man, gl hun. He talks a lot about gay people in conversation more than is usual. "Diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, fatigue, smoking, high cholesterol, advanced age, or a host of other illnesses may bring about ED . After being married for 30 yrs plus. Im impressed. Of course, some of these examples can indicate other situations or problems in a marriage, or even just the usual practices of a slightly effeminate straight male. ! but then the minute someone is unhappy the lines in the financial sand are drawn. Maybe they are very well off and money is not a problem. Husband is verbally abusive hurtful and neglected all this time He used to have full erections almost daily. I would just do whatever in the hell you want to. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Consider this foreplay. But its not HIM who has an issue with the marriage; its HER. Whether it's your girlfriend or your wife, this top ten. When you ask yourself questions like, how can I tell if my husband is gay?, you need to observe your partner closely and look out for possible signs in his behavior and approach. A health care provider may want to know, does your husband have firmer erections: Introduced that same week at SXSW, the scrappy lower-budget "Bottoms" (in theaters . Time to move on, but work pays too little to live on my own. Were the other 39 years just as shitty? Self-harm includes the stereotypical, Particularly when young, some people may ask, "How do I know if I am gay?" Think about that. Um, no wonder he has A LOT of negativity. I, myself, at 50, love living alone! What It Really Means When He Can't Stay Hard - Her Campus If they want to make things better between the both of you to do it! You talk A LOT about your husbands negativity with interestingly ZERO concrete examples. I could be wrong. Staying married because they may not understand is basically inertia like staying in your bad marriage, because it might rain tomorrow and your suitcases will get wet as you move out. : What Is and Isnt a Sign to Look for, 15 Signs Your Husband Is Not Attracted to You (and What to Do), 25 Signs Your Husband Isnt in Love With You Anymore, Gay and Lesbian Therapy for Healing Same-Sex Relationships, 9 Essential Pieces of Advice for Gay Couples, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, What Is Love? Good luck to you! I am NOT saying that you should allow finances to be the ONLY determining factor in your decision. trying role-play or foreplay to increase arousal. When it comes down to it, there is no reliable "Am I Gay test", so the only way, Depression quotes and sayings about depression can provide insight into what it's like living with depression as well as inspiration and a feeling of "someone gets it, Rape victim stories can be very difficult to read, frightening and emotionally draining for some but stories of rape show other victims that they are not alone in their struggles. He tries to convince you that all relationships have a decline in sex even when you've only been together for a few years. How do you know if your husband is gay? Its scary sometimes, not knowing what the unknown will actually be like. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. The LW did not provide enough details. But it is possible for him to change, especially now that he's retiring. But by that time I had stopped loving him. I can appreciate that, after spending your entire adult life living with the same person, the thought of living alone is scary. You find sexual enhancers such as Viagra (sildenafil citrate) or Cialis (Tadalafil) hidden in his private hiding places, but you know he hasn't made any attempt to have sex with you. Erection Problems: Causes, Treatment, Complications & Prevention I dont know why Im arguing about this small tiny point but apparently I cant stop. Ill get a job because Im only 60 and ca, I can easily say that after 40 years Im still here Two things Id suggest: counseling (for you as individuals and for you as a couple) and time apart. Which (normally) means 50/50. alone are not a sure-fire sign your husband is gay, but women who report that their husbands turned out to be gay often say this was something they noticed first. First sentence should begin: Stop using your grown daughters as an excuse. He watches porno movies with gay male scenes. Thats been over 50 years ago. But remember, there can be many reasons why sex in a marriage is less than satisfying, other than the fact that your husband may be gay. But LW, maybe that movie will give you inspiration. He travels a lot for business and you can't track his activities. Most middle-aged men don't have erectile dysfunction, but erections change. High cholesterol, which can limit blood flow through the atreries that supply the genital area, can also be associated with erectile dysfunction. Many women find it much harder to accept that their husband is leaving them for another man rather than for another woman. What will you do to take care of you now? You know the domestic life inside and out. The penis can't rise without compromise. What Is Emotional Abandonment in Marriage. This is your time. In the meantime, please seek out counseling, and develop a plan. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. However, I urge you to contact an attorney to figure out your financial future. Google Search Questions, Vol. I make my own rules up as I go. Maybe I should say we both messed up our marriage but he is extreme. Its not easy if you have built up life with good intentions that you now find difficult to sustain. Just about any medical condition that affects your nerves or blood vessels could hurt your ability to have erections. Make it count. It sounds like you have ruled out many physical factors, in which case it may be useful to consider psychological factors. What's important to remember is that the husband's homosexuality is entirely his responsibility and has nothing to do with the wife.